It is here in these dark corners of the Internet that paedophiles around the world are able to exchange information

It is here, in these dark corners of the Internet, that paedophiles around the world are able to exchange information and disturbing pornographic photographs of children. "There's no doubt that the Internet carries a vast amount of paedophile material which is made widely available all over the world," says Superintendent Stephen French of the Metropolitan Police's Club and Vice unit. "The fact that it is an electronic form doesn't make it any less illegal."While there can be no argument about the illegal nature of some of the material on the Metropolitan Police's list, it has provoked a controversy over the complex issue of who is responsible for controlling access to the Internet. As a result, the companies that provide access are being forced to make difficult, and potentially unpopular, decisions.These Internet Service Providers (ISPs) have thousands of customers all over Britain who can, through the use of their services, access areas of the Net where paedophiles supply their illegal pornography.The Metropolitan Police wrote to the ISPs following a meeting with the Internet Service Providers Association (ISPA), the group that represents the ISPs in this country. But the Internet community has reacted in utter dismay and elements of the national press have engaged in sensational reporting of a complex issue."There has been so much bad press in the tabloids about the Internet and the irresponsibility of the ISPs that it's no surprise people are concerned about this," says Andy Cowan, technical director at Wave Rider, an ISP in the West Midlands, referring to recent reports ranging from the predictably reactionary Mail on Sunday to the usually more thoughtful Observer.The Observer last week published a "special report" on paedophilia and the Internet that included headlines such as "The school governor who sells access to photos of child rape" and "These men are not paedophiles, they are the Internet abusers". Part of the report centred around a director of Demon Internet, the UK's largest ISP, which has declined to adhere to the police's request to block access to pornographic newsgroups (see article, right). The Observer implied that the director and his company were in the business of providing access to the Net for paedophiles. This is clearly not the case.Yesterday the Observer continued its "campaign to clean up the Internet", but its report appeared to be an exercise in damage limitation.

Still, as Noel himself said, all the roads we have to walk are winding, and the same must be true of his thought processes. He was reputed to have said that the Smurfs were "about as funny as losing your legs in an industrial accident". What he meant, of course, was that they are almost as funny as swearing on stage at the Brit Awards.Strangely, the attitude of the Gnomes of Brussels to the great Mancunians doesn't seem to be much more complimentary. I tracked down Liam Smurf, scooter-riding frontman of the notorious hellraising band, to the rented house he shares in North Brussels with the talented starlet Patsy Smurf, and asked him for his views on the controversy. "To be honest, we have all put it down to sour grapes," he said in that Jackson Five falsetto we have all learnt to love. What he actually said was, "Get that ****** out of my ***ing face and ram it up your ********", but we all knew what he meant.So it's a bit surprising that the cave boys' record label, Sony, have slapped a ban on the use of their romantic ditty.

Noel, after all, must have got considerable pleasure from tucking those cheques into his back pocket when Mike Flowers Pops covered it. Gallagher Minor, leaving his house on Thursday to return to their American tour, overcame his laryngitis to say to waiting newsmen: "The Smurfs? One of me and my brother's greatest influences. I have always contended that their 1978 hit 'The Smurf Song' was as incisive a comment on the post-modern malaise as anything Jacques Derrida has ever written." Well, he didn't, actually. "Maybe/ you're gonna be the one that saves me/ and after all/ you're my Wondersmurf". Funny, really, that such a tough line should be taken, given the similarities between the two bands and the high regard in which the Gallagher brothers hold Father Abraham and his merry band. Somewhere in Bradford there is an adult sitting with their curtains closed and the speakers turned up high who is actually enjoying this thing. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised: at least 10 people this year have recommended I read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.Still, it's not all bad.